Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Like Hillary Rodham Clinton, George W. Bush and Miley Cyrus before her, Willow Smith's inexplicable popularity is yet further proof that our country, despite having fought two wars to secure its democratic system of government, loves nepotism like a parent loves their offspring enough to get him/her a job.*
Now, some of you might say obviously sane things like "9 years old isn't too young to be Auto-Tuned!" or "Clearly she's only famous because of her amazing talent." And to a certain extent, the latter might be true — if you read the lyrics to "Whip My Hair," you'll notice more than 78 percent of the words are devoted to slight variations of "whip my hair back and forth." While good for remembering the name of the song, the lyrics don't really smack of being written by someone who's made it out of third grade yet. Still, the Auto-Tune thing. Also, 9-year-olds don't need their own (albeit horribly designed) logos. They just don't.
The bottom line, really, is this: Haven't we done enough for Will Smith? Wasn't his incredible appetite for attention/money satiated when we transformed him from a hit TV star to one of the few remaining movie stars to (shudder) his "rap" career? Must we continue to support his progeny's artistic endeavours as well? We already gave him our adoration once: That's why he lives in a huge mansion and drinks the tears of unicorns. Leave us alone, Will Smith!
In lieu of doing any actual work of my own not stepping on toes, I'll just excerpt from the full review when the movie was in theaters, by DJ BGarden. For the record, he gave it a "watch at home" rating … which you can now do!
And so we’re off on a twisty little Scandinavian holiday that winds around and around until we land smack dab in incredible revelations about the bad guy, who turns out to be Lisbeth’s … [spoiler redacted!]. Suffice it to say that through the magic of the Swedish equivalent of Hollywood, Lisbeth is in up to her eyeballs in a national intrigue that began the day she was born.
I suspect the film adaptations of the GwtDT franchise — like The Da Vinci Code — are better when watched as a companion to the books. Someone actually told me as much.
For a film this twisty, that’s a real problem.
Check out the whole review! Or buy the movie!‡
Oh, LucasArts. How long will we let you tease us with your wild promises of games where we can actually pretend to be Jedis before we finally figure out you're really just in it for the money? (See: everything Star Wars-related ever made that's not Eps. 3-6.) Backforming canon compatability with the "Midichlorians are sea monkey-looking little creatures that can be measured with a blood test" best of them, STFU 2† features the same character as the original. Except he's a clone, because the canon ending had Starkiller dying in the first one. Or something. I didn't really care.
STFU 2 developers took all of the complaints of the first (it's boring, too repetitive, the controls are clunky, boss fights are basically Mario Party-esque button-mashing minigames) and fixed one of them: the controls. Kind of. They also spent a lot of time making the characters look even more realistic, and rendering the monotonous backgrounds in hair-splitting detail. Which is always the most important aspect of the game.
As with STFU and Enter the Matrix before it, STFU 2 has some really cool moves that are fun to perform. The always hilarious "Jedi Mind-Trick the Stormtrooper into leaping to his death" is a welcome addition, but after the 12th or 13th time I use it, it's boring. There are about seven different types of enemies, each of which can be defeated easily by using a different one of your moves. Throwing said enemies at the player in different combinations doesn't make the game fun: It makes the game Pokemon.
Make sure you play the demo before you plunk down cash. Then play it for another four hours. That's pretty much what the game feels like. Your call if it's worth $60.
* Notably absent from this list: George Clooney. Yet one more reason he's the best actor of the recent generation (You know Angelina Jolie's going to force her and Brad Pitt's adopted kids into something at some point). Also, Will Smith named his daughter AFTER HIMSELF. Will Smith to Willow Smith? Seriously?
‡ Or don't. See if I care. (Jerks.)
† Not a wholly accurate acronym, but you gotta love it.
†† This is probably not a true statement for the DS version. Or else they made a tiny, tiny keyboard.
Tags: this just out , Arts , Image