Many shopping experiences inevitably lead patrons to a shining display of hemp, CBD or THC. Face washes and lotions infused with CBD, calming candles, pain-relieving tinctures and groovy snacks — these products are a logical extension of cannabis' primary usage. But as capitalism drives our market forwards, some more surreal products have been placed upon shopping shelves. Let's dive into some surprising pot products.
CDB SHEETS
Eddie Bauer's CBD-infused comforter (which can be paired with their CBD-infused throw blanket) promises swaddling relaxation that ushers your deepest subconscious into powerful rest.
The product description suggests some top-notch encapsulating technology that defies the cleansing power of water — "because it's micro-encapsulated in the fabric, the CBD remains even after washing." The technical explanation is fuzzy, but it appears that CBD is added to the fiber waxing process during production.
Eddie Bauer isn't the first bedding seller to sneak some CBD between the sheets, but it might be the most surprising retailer to hop on the hemp train. My retired neighbor buys sweaters from the Eddie Bauer mailer catalog and was absolutely scandalized that they presented her with drugs.
PURPLE KUSH CANDLE
The current market contains a suspicious number of weed products that smell like weed, but aren't actually weed. While confusing, the Purple Kush candle from Boy Smells and available at Nordstrom might fill the market of those who want to suggest the cool, rule-violating activity of smokin' pot without actually having to touch the drug.
Picture this — you light the candle. Your landlord knocks on your door, demanding that you cease smoking pot immediately! You've violated the lease! Instead, you show them your weed candle. Checkmate — psychological torture inflicted!
Another use case — signaling to cool new friends that you are also totally cool. When potential new besties visit your pad, they think, "Wow! I smell weed. This person really is hip! I can trust them with my secrets!" Now you look cool without having to smoke pot (just make sure to hide the weed candle deep in the back of a closet).
THE INDISPENSABLE SCRATCH & SNIFF GUIDE TO CANNABIS
Another "smells like weed but isn't weed" product, which the authors emphasize is legal in all 50 states, entertains readers with zany factoids and guidance through the technicalities of smoking. What's the difference between cannabis and hemp? How will indicas and sativas feel different? Your nose will be your guide.
As a gift, the target demographic is a pickle to sort out. A gift for those just starting to ingest weed? For non-weed but also open-minded friends? Coffee table book? Hostess gift for a fun housewarming?
WEED SALSA
There are dozens of DIY weed salsa recipes, but edible manufacturer Sweet Jane infuses 400mg (25mg/tablespoon) of THC into a jar of spicy pico. Skepticism abounds — trusting stoners to accurately dose THC through a chip dip seems wildly dangerous.
To satiate my curiosity, I tried the salsa thing. Heaping a cute lil' dollop onto a chip, it was a way-more-fun way to get stoned than a gummy or vape hit. The salsa really says "the next couple hours is going to be zesty."
Sweet Jane cans additional tasty THC spreads, including hazelnut spread (that's what Nutella is), honey and blueberry jam. These seem like a much more predictable alternative to pretending that anyone has the self-control to only eat 1 chip laden with salsa.
PLANT-BASED CBD TOILET PAPER
CBD is soothing. Butts often need to be soothed. Toilet paper is an absorbent material that touches butts. It follows that someone would put CBD on toilet paper. The CBD toilet paper from Nordic Botanics is currently out of stock, but it smells more like an April Fool's prank than an actual product available for purchase.
Cannabis toilet paper aside, butt woes still plague the majority of humans. There is considerable support for rear-end topical CBD to promote relaxation and reduce pain. CBD suppositories might be more up your back alley. ♦
