Tuesday, June 14, 2011

THIS JUST OUT (yesterday): Duke Nukem Sucks, Spiderman Sucks, Way To Ruin Childhood, Guys edition

Posted By on Tue, Jun 14, 2011 at 4:23 PM

MUSIC

Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark
Get it the day the show opens on Broadway (but only because the production has been such a colossal, deadly disaster!): The original cast recording of the most expensive musical ever ($70m!) will blow your mind (maybe) without any risk of blowing your mind (out with, like, falling scaffolding or something). Plus, if you listen to this and then watch Titus right afterwards, you can imagine what the musical might have been like if they hadn't fired Julie Taymor and brought in that dude from the circus.

All Things Bright and Beautiful | Owl City
This master of schmaltz-pop returns with another earnest, straight-forwardly titled record.

It's All True | Junior Boys Wild and Free | Ziggy Marley A Treasure | Neil Young

VIDEOGAMES

There are things that take forever and are worth it — like Terrence Malick films and, presumably, the second coming of Christ. Then, there are things that take forever and suck ass. Chinese Democracy comes to mind, and now! Wait for it ...

Duke Nukem Forever |  Xbox, PS3, PC
If you were to jump in Marty McFly's Delorean and go look at a future dictionary, this milquetoast, 12-years-in-the-making and 12-years-outdated shooter will become a synonym for unnecessary, wrongheaded and the colloquialism stubbornly forced to fruition even though you knew in your heart you should just let it die.

Alice: Madness Returns | PS3, XBox, PC
Sequel to American McGee's legendarily dark Louis Carrol platformer.

Child of Eden | XBox
A gorgeous and unique puzzle/platformer experience that takes place inside the AI of a computer. Requires Kinect. 


DVDs

Battle: Los Angeles
Ever seen Independence Day? (Rated PG-13)

Hall Pass
Two married dudes are let off the monogamy hook for a week. Hijinks (and probably not a lot of getting laid) ensue, before the sanctity of marriage is reaffirmed. (Rated R)

Red Riding Hood
Modern retelling of the age-old folk tale involves a girl and a werewolf and their ... ahem ... connection.  (Rated PG-13)

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